Be a terrorist empathiser

I’m not a terrorist sympathiser. I’m a terrorist empathiser.
Sympathy suggests an assumption of shared values. “You have my sympathies, I would feel terrible in your shoes. Poor you.” It projects assumptions onto another party.
Empathy suggests an understanding of those values, even if they are not shared. It asks ‘How do you feel about that?’
Having the courage to take the journey to understand how someone arrived at their point of view – no matter how horrifying or sickening, frustrating or questionable – informs us on the most human of levels and greatly improves our chances of finding solutions that improve difficult conflicts, rather than reacting to them and making matters worse.

By |December 3rd, 2015|Uncategorized|0 Comments

Preseli growing

I thought I’d write a quick post to let people know why I’ve been so quiet on this blog – it’s because I’ve been loud elsewhere. Preseli Training, Coaching and Consultancy has been my major focus for the last three months. I have been working on the STORM training program in preparation for some new materials and resources Preseli Training are releasing soon.   For more information, check out the website.

It’s also worth having a look at MyIdeaMatters.com, a new support website for creative professionals looking to get their idea up and running. We are winning sponsorship and working with some heavyweights like Business Link and SE2. Things are moving forward and I am happy to say that this provides me to do more of what I want to do – helping people make the difference.

By |March 30th, 2010|Uncategorized|0 Comments

When a loss is hard to bear

Losing someone you love is a desperately painful experience. It was for this experience that words like ‘desperate’, ‘harrowing’ and ‘grief’ were invented. And they seem empty when you say them because they can’t come close to describing the feelings we experience at this time. We are left in pieces, and surrounded by people who struggle to hold it together while the world falls apart. Nothing can be the same again. We are left with a million connections in our brain that want to turn to the one we love to joke about the whole thing. We want to quarrel, play, watch something on tv, kick back, go out, do something. Anthing other than sit around trying not to think about it, feeling guilty when we do. Feeling guilty when we don’t. And of course we want to do all those things with the person we miss so terribly, even if they were driving us up the wall only days before. For me the most difficult pain was in the empathy I had with the people around me. While they were struggling with their loss I couldn’t help but feel their sorrow as acutely as my own. This left me confused as to what was mine and what was other peoples. I remember shutting down from the experience. I figured if I can just get through the first few hours, days, weeks, months, years, eventually it will go away.

The drama goes away. The emotions stabilise. But the feeling of loss is hardest to bear. It is a constant, always ready to suck you in, should you choose to go there. And whenever I went there, I would be there for a long time.

So I […]

By |December 2nd, 2009|Uncategorized|0 Comments

Coaching as a gift

With Christmas on it’s way I thought it might be worth highlighting an issue that comes up from time to time. When my clients experience the value of coaching first hand they often come up with a number of people they think would benefit from the experience. Gifting coaching can seem like a great way to introduce someone to the process. It’s a great idea with intentions coming from a generous and compassionate place.

It’s worth bearing in mind two things here before you jump to the decision to go ahead and grab a half price coaching voucher for a friend.

The first is that the agenda of the coaching will be set by the client, and not yourself. I have heard it said so many times that ‘coaching seems like a great idea! It would really help my relationship with my wife if she came to see you.’ The fact is, as well we know, change can only take place from a personal level. If you want to help your relationship with your wife, then start by working on yourself. A great aim to shoot for when dealing with relationship issues is the state of ‘I’m ok and you’re ok.’ If you are at that place, then you are doing great. If, in your mind, she is a wonderful, human being capable of great happiness and that you are a wonderful human being capable of great happiness’ then your relationship will probably deal with most issues that arise just fine. If on the other hand it is a case of you thinking ‘I’m fine, she’s a mess’ or ‘she’s great, it’s all me’ or even ‘we are a disaster, the pair of us’, […]

By |December 1st, 2009|life, Uncategorized|0 Comments

Web host trouble

I’m a great fan of free hosting, especially given the number of social enterprises I work with and advise. I was disappointed when, without warning 9sm.info, my host of over a year now, flooded my websites with advertising that was, at best, inappropriate.

I have changed over to www.000webhost.com and have been pleased with the service they provide. Thank you!

I did have a little trouble in the changeover and the website was down for a while. Apologies to anyone who wondered where I had gone.

Wishing all the best, as ever,

Andrew Tilling

By |November 17th, 2009|Uncategorized|0 Comments

New Voucher Offer – Feedback appreciated!

I’ve just put together a pdf of a leaflet I’m having printed to let people know about my coaching services.

I’d really appreciate any feedback you could offer. You can download the small file version of pdf here.

Remember, it’s two pages! So be sure to use your cursor keys to see the ‘other side’ of the leaflet.

You can leave your feedback below, or send me a mail using the contact page.

Of course, to say thank you, I would be happy to extend the voucher offer to you!

Check out the new leaflet now!

By |October 8th, 2009|Uncategorized|0 Comments

Transforming Blame into Responsibility

When the blame game gets going we can all really add weight to the buck. No-one wants to be left with all that accumulated bad feeling. Truth is that blame kills creativity, significantly reduces the ability to teams to work together and can destroy our relationships at home, at work and in life. In this guest post for ‘clickalifecoach.com’ I explore stategies we can apply to nip blame in the bud and get some advice from a smiley tibetan.

New Beginnings

A new blog and a whole new world.

I finally gave in to the need for my own webspace after contributing to a number of blogs over the last few weeks. I’ve found that writing a blog has helped me to consistently add value to my business. Every day, just being open to ideas to form so that I could contribute something original has inspired me to develop my processes and tools. I’m finding I am applying my own thinking more often in my own life – and that has to be a good thing!

One regrettable discovery, however, was that I was not taking up every idea that came my way. I was being selective and ensuring that the blog posts I did write were relevent for the blog I was writing for – and letting other ideas pass me by.

My intention with this blog is to attempt to capture some of these ideas and formulate them into a worthwhile read for my clients – both those paying and currently undergoing a coaching program with me – hi! – and those unpaying, distant and unseen, who stumble across these words while looking for a man to plough their fields and is wondering when my posts about ‘tools’ are going to start talking about tilling – hi too!

I hope you gain some value from the words to follow.

Best wishes, as ever,

Andrew Tilling

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