Coaching as a gift

With Christmas on it’s way I thought it might be worth highlighting an issue that comes up from time to time. When my clients experience the value of coaching first hand they often come up with a number of people they think would benefit from the experience. Gifting coaching can seem like a great way to introduce someone to the process. It’s a great idea with intentions coming from a generous and compassionate place.

It’s worth bearing in mind two things here before you jump to the decision to go ahead and grab a half price coaching voucher for a friend.

The first is that the agenda of the coaching will be set by the client, and not yourself. I have heard it said so many times that ‘coaching seems like a great idea! It would really help my relationship with my wife if she came to see you.’ The fact is, as well we know, change can only take place from a personal level. If you want to help your relationship with your wife, then start by working on yourself. A great aim to shoot for when dealing with relationship issues is the state of ‘I’m ok and you’re ok.’ If you are at that place, then you are doing great. If, in your mind, she is a wonderful, human being capable of great happiness and that you are a wonderful human being capable of great happiness’ then your relationship will probably deal with most issues that arise just fine. If on the other hand it is a case of you thinking ‘I’m fine, she’s a mess’ or ‘she’s great, it’s all me’ or even ‘we are a disaster, the pair of us’, […]

By |December 1st, 2009|life, Uncategorized|0 Comments

Where thoughts go…

I have a client with a headache. This isn’t just an ordinary headache. It’s not even just a migraine. This is a permanent headache that has lasted seven months and may well last the rest of her life. She has been to doctors, alternative healers, Traditional Chinese Medicine practitioners… You name it, she can tell you her experience of the treatment about the hope, the raised interest, the disappointment. The fact is, her headache has stayed, and no-one has the foggiest idea what to do about it.

How do you begin to work with someone in this predicament as a coach? Many coaches like me will advertise their work as being able to help you make your dreams come true. We structure our lives under the knowledge that if it is humanly possible, together we can make it happen. We have more stories than we can count of people who said they couldn’t do it, believed they couldn’t do it, had PROOF they couldn’t do it. After a few weeks of coaching we receive beaming photos and overwhelming feedback in gratitude for helping them to see that not only is it possible to achieve our dreams, if only we get out of the way of ourselves it is even likely we will achieve them.

And yet here is something that seems truly insurmountable. A coach has no magic wand and understanding the limitations of your coach is crucial in any process. I have to say it took me a long time to accept the reality that this may not be something I could help her with. But I knew there was something I could do and that was to focus on something other than […]

By |July 31st, 2009|life, solutions|0 Comments

Play the What If? Game

Play the ‘what if?’ game with yourself or with someone that is fully supportive of your overall brilliance and general ‘fab’ness (like a coach!)

For every thing you see as an obstacle in your life, ask yourself what you would do if it wasn’t an obstacle. This game is very effective for helping you to invest quality thought into the future you would like to see without being bogged down with how to get there. Remember, “The best laid schemes o’ mice an’ men / Gang aft agley”. I’m sure he didn’t mean to write that second line quite like that, but it goes to show how badly things can go.

The point being that it doesn’t matter right now how you are going to get there. What matters is that you entertain the possibility.

Example lines of questioning:

What if I could have any job in the world? What would I go for?

What if I had the money? Where would I be?

What if I could give myself the space I deserve? What would my life be like?

What if I was really good at what I love to do? How would I live my life?

This tool is great for entering into a dialogue with your constantly active unconscious mind who is creating a future for you right now this very second. Questions like ‘What if?’ can tease out a little more information about what this life of yours you are creating could be like.

Ten Steps to Make a Change

1. Find a piece of paper and a pen

2. List all the elements and experiences your life wouldn’t have – given the choice.

3. Throw the piece of paper away.

4. List all the qualities your life would have given the choice.

5. Spend time getting a kick out of imagining that life you would choose.

6. Choose that life.

7. Give zero attention to anything on that piece of paper you threw away.

8. Give one hundred percent attention and any more you can muster on the things you do want to see more of.

9. Enjoy the process.

10. Remember to look back on how far you have come from time to time.

Tackle Problems One Day at a Time

Identify one people problem you need to solve.
Identify one work problem you need to solve.
Identify one personal problem you need to solve.

Choose one action for each problem to move you closer to a solution.
Carry out those actions today.

Moment of Self-Activation

Every now and then a moment takes place in my life when I know that the process of change has begun. How is this spark generated and what keeps the flame burning while change takes place?
It happens on a day like any other simply because it is a day just the same as any other. It comes like a moment of heightened awareness. The mug of tea snaps into focus. The view from the window appears vivid and rich different somehow from yesterday, last week, a moment before. The scene remains the same, and yet somehow otherworldly. It is accompanied by a sense of a need for belonging to that other-world, that somehow the world I inhabit is no longer connected to the world I want to be in. There is a glimpse of the outer edges of the bubble I live in and a fascinating realisation comes to me. I could step out of the bubble if I choose.
Then the phone rings, or a client arrives. The email pings or someone calls my name and that moment disappears. I might forget about it for weeks while I get on with the business of living. All the time I dismiss those visions as daydreams, those ideas of a different life that pop into my head in the quiet moments. Gently, I realise that my life as it is may not be satisfying me any more. The reasons why I wanted all this have changed. They are less relevant than they used to be. This may be what I wanted, sure, but it isn’t how I wanted it. Now the moment has passed, the process has begun. Unconsciously, whether I know […]

By |July 26th, 2009|change|0 Comments